I am completely overwhelmed. Today was a napalm blast of epiphanies.
A week ago as I was walking home from class, a random student asked if he could talk to me (in English). I have been asked a few times the same request so I wasn't that surprised. As we talk he tells me his major in Chinese. Red flag!! (Heh, get it? China? Red flag?) It was a sign. PC told us to look for students who are Chinese majors to tutor us if we cannot find licensed teachers. I asked him if he would be my tutor and he accepted. Tonight was our first lesson.
I must preface this with a bit of personal disclosure - I am extremely hard on myself, especially when it comes to language learning. I forget to breathe, I beat myself up, my hands shake - the whole anxiety of it propels me to learn. My problem is that I know I am like this, but I know few people understand my process so I have even less patience with myself with new teachers. I want to be amazing at it right out of the gate. If I am not, or if they giggle or breathe a larger sigh than usual, I am even more pissed. That is exactly what happened. I was reading aloud a passage of pinyin when he began to giggle. I stopped and said, "Ok. I need some more patience from you. I know I suck, but I need you to not laugh at me."
His reaction was unexpected.
"I am not laughing at your ability. Whenever I thought that I could not learn English, my high school English teacher always said, 'Ofcourse you can! You speak very well. Look at Americans! They think they are number one, but they do not learn Chinese because it is so hard!'"
First lesson in humility learned. The rest of our time was very productive once I started to breathe again and see myself through his eyes. Silly American.
Second lesson.
I had my Junior writing class write me a mid-term reflection letter, letting me know how they are, how their other classes are, what I can do to improve as their teacher and what do they like about my class. I know many of my students put great pressure on themselves daily and I thought (again, silly American) that I could help them with stress management and teach them how to chill. All English majors take a ton of classes. My juniors take Writing, Oral English, English Literature, Advanced English, Foreign Economic Contracts, World Famous Plays, a second foreign language (French, German or Japanese) and finally Concepts of Chairman Mao...All in one semester.
Okay....Now why am I here again? I teach 18 hours to 200 students. I have 200 mid term papers waiting for me to grade and I feel impotent right now. Unable to even look at them, let alone grade them. Why am I here? Someone who has a problem with time management in a country where every minute of every day is dedicated to their studies. I took an early morning run Sunday through the campus. At 7 am. there are students standing in the middle of a field or sitting along the street reading, memorizing, reciting. When you ask students about their weekend, most of their time is spent in the library or in a quiet classroom studying. I have a sophomore Life Science major student who is very sweet to me helping me with my English, showing me books that she bought on how to improve her English vocabulary in order to do well on the GRE she plans to take TWO YEARS from now!!
Honestly, I am in waaay over my head, thinking that I can help these students. Again, life as a teacher - you learn more than your students. They will be teaching ME how to focus and use my time wisely. Compartmentalize. Suck it up and do it.
This is only the beginning of my third month teaching. I have two years of this. Waaaay over my head.
Plus! I was just asked to teach another class next semester. English Film Appreciation for English major freshmen. It would be once a week with 60 students. I told her I wanted to think about it and started to bend my sitemate's ear. We came to a brilliant compromise - we both teach it. He would take the first film and discuss it, I would take the next one, and we would work together prepping BOTH films. Our Department head liked the idea so much they increased the class size to 100.
Next semester I will be teaching 300 students. Just wanted to write it out loud. Whoa....
This is all good for me. I am awful at free time. I call it "duh time"for that is all I do - sit and drool and go cro-magnon.
So now..thanks to my kids and other random students, my schedule is much more rigid. Class time, badminton time, eating time, sleeping time, grading time, studying Chinese time.....ad nauseum.
Only 3 months!!! How will I survive two years of this? Honestly if I look at the horizon I convulse. I look at 15 min to an hour portions of the future.
How am I doing? Duh.....I have five more minutes of emailing and "freetime" before I go back to my Everest - mid term essays. Send supplies. I'm going in.....
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Weekend trip to Xiahe
My first weekend trip was a doozy - Xiahe (sheeya huh). Four hours southwest of Lanzhou is a small town that is 50% Tibetan, 40% Han and 10% Hui and home of the Lebrang Buddhist Monastery. Currently 1,800 monks live there. The monastery is enclosed by a wall of prayer wheels and covers 3 square miles. The town is nestled in a valley almost 10,000 ft above sea level. We took a tour with a monk that spoke English.
We got to see the main meditation hall which can fit 800 at a time. The place is amazing, as you would expect, but the feelings of sublime internal silence I was not prepared for. Like Telluride, Camp Agape, the yoga retreat I did in Nederland, Varanasi, and other places that shut me up, this one did the trick. I was feeling a little agoraphobic back at my campus - thinking that China was so big and so imposing and so insurmountable. One weekend and two buses exorcised that phobia for me. It was cold as you would expect, but the thing that killed me was that we didn't get as many stares as we usually do in Lanzhou. It was liberating, not to have so many eyes on your every movement. You relaxed in your own space.
We also went across the bridge and hiked along a dirt road, past yaks and sheep grazing, past yurts with their stoves heating up dinner. It had been ages since I roamed. And that is what we did; just walked around, sat down and were just still - nothing to think about, nothing to translate, no eyes on us. The food there was amazing. Tibetan meat dumplings, steamed (momo) and fried (paale), yak milk tea, yak butter, yak burgers - all so very very good and satisfying and belly warming. We left early in the morning to grab our bus back and as the overcastsky brightened, everywhere was dusted with snow. Snow has an effect onme - it stills me, warms me, again shuts me up. I like being silenced. My brain welcomes the shoxi (break).
Funny story: I was planning on buying this wonderful handmade boiled wool coat with decorative trim. In China, bartering is required,expected and actually quite fun. The tailor started at a price that was way more than what I had. We proceed to ping pong back numbers (in Chinese of course, last time I'll say that). When I was getting flabbergasted that he was so rigid and wasn't playing the game I said,"Wo shi laoshi, mei you qian!" (I'm a teacher, I have no money!). That stopped him. He said he will give me my price because I am a teacher and in a profession that is highly respected. He kept saying "FeichangHao" (excellent). No I am back, feeling rejuvenated and ready for another week of classes, which are going well, Chinese language tutor sessions and time to find ways to shut my brain up myself. Check out photos at picasaweb.google.com/macdirty
Nothing but love to you, Katie
We got to see the main meditation hall which can fit 800 at a time. The place is amazing, as you would expect, but the feelings of sublime internal silence I was not prepared for. Like Telluride, Camp Agape, the yoga retreat I did in Nederland, Varanasi, and other places that shut me up, this one did the trick. I was feeling a little agoraphobic back at my campus - thinking that China was so big and so imposing and so insurmountable. One weekend and two buses exorcised that phobia for me. It was cold as you would expect, but the thing that killed me was that we didn't get as many stares as we usually do in Lanzhou. It was liberating, not to have so many eyes on your every movement. You relaxed in your own space.
We also went across the bridge and hiked along a dirt road, past yaks and sheep grazing, past yurts with their stoves heating up dinner. It had been ages since I roamed. And that is what we did; just walked around, sat down and were just still - nothing to think about, nothing to translate, no eyes on us. The food there was amazing. Tibetan meat dumplings, steamed (momo) and fried (paale), yak milk tea, yak butter, yak burgers - all so very very good and satisfying and belly warming. We left early in the morning to grab our bus back and as the overcastsky brightened, everywhere was dusted with snow. Snow has an effect onme - it stills me, warms me, again shuts me up. I like being silenced. My brain welcomes the shoxi (break).
Funny story: I was planning on buying this wonderful handmade boiled wool coat with decorative trim. In China, bartering is required,expected and actually quite fun. The tailor started at a price that was way more than what I had. We proceed to ping pong back numbers (in Chinese of course, last time I'll say that). When I was getting flabbergasted that he was so rigid and wasn't playing the game I said,"Wo shi laoshi, mei you qian!" (I'm a teacher, I have no money!). That stopped him. He said he will give me my price because I am a teacher and in a profession that is highly respected. He kept saying "FeichangHao" (excellent). No I am back, feeling rejuvenated and ready for another week of classes, which are going well, Chinese language tutor sessions and time to find ways to shut my brain up myself. Check out photos at picasaweb.google.com/macdirty
Nothing but love to you, Katie
Friday, September 21, 2007
My Apartment!!
My place is adorable. Red hardwood floors, airy, big and comfy. I have a study that I have made into a winter storage / yoga room. I have great views of the mountains and am not 8 minutes away from where I teach. Woo hoo!
First Week of Teaching!
The first week is over and I am happy. Happy to be back in the classroom, happy to learn new names and faces, happy to learn how to teach in a completely different environment. I teach 4 classes (2 hours each) of Oral English to sophomores. Each class has about 24-26 friendly and eager faces. The main objective for this class is to improve their speaking, so it's mostly a confidence course; giving them opportunities to speak, learn new vocabulary and new things about Western and American culture and conversational dynamics. So far this class is a lot of fun - they are willing to try new things, stand up in front of each other and open their mouths. Here is where my energy is an asset.
Right now I also have 2 classes (2 hours each) of Junior English Writing - each class has about 50 students, but we are working on splitting them up to four classes of 25 students each, in order for everyone to get more attention. Their writing is incredibly sophisticated and their interest in poetry and literature is contagious. They want to be able to use their English with a Western perspective. We will be discussing active versus indirect writing.
As for the campus, we have freshmen, sophomores and juniors - seniors live and go to the main campus in Lanzhou. There are soccer, basketball, badminton, ping pong fields and courts and a new indoor swimming pool that hasn't opened yet. Weekly they show movies - last week was Harry Potter and Mr. Bean and Blood Brothers. Outside the campus there are three streets full of restaurants, internet cafes, KTV (karaoke), photo shops, stationary kiosks, eyewear stores and sports clothing stores. In the evening the fruit sellers come out with their grapes, pears and apples.
Weather here is gorgeous - mid 40s in the morning and the evening and bright sunshine 70s in the day. It takes less than 10 minutes to get to class and the streets are filled with students and not cars or bikes - not many horns blowing, brakes squeaking - very quiet.
We also have office hours in the Volunteer's Office - which is also an English library that students can check out books, magazines, DVDs. I just had my first office hours last night. Basically its students coming in and practicing their asking questions - how old are you? What do you think of Chinese food? Have you watched Prison Break (that show is HUGE here)? Many students are getting comfortable with me so they're asking more questions. We were given many food lists in hanzi, pinyin and english. I have them go through them and check off the ones that they recommend. They also give me walking tours of the town and campus - best restaurants, copy places, etc.
Life here is good. It's still new and I'm still trying to find my groove. I lesson plan most of the time, sometimes to the determent of my sleep or leisure time, but that's understandable.
I was flirting with loneliness but it hightailed out of my sight when I received care packages from some righteous people back in the States. Thank you, ad nauseum. It sustains my energy, my resolve, my contentment quota.
More later. Time to plan.
Right now I also have 2 classes (2 hours each) of Junior English Writing - each class has about 50 students, but we are working on splitting them up to four classes of 25 students each, in order for everyone to get more attention. Their writing is incredibly sophisticated and their interest in poetry and literature is contagious. They want to be able to use their English with a Western perspective. We will be discussing active versus indirect writing.
As for the campus, we have freshmen, sophomores and juniors - seniors live and go to the main campus in Lanzhou. There are soccer, basketball, badminton, ping pong fields and courts and a new indoor swimming pool that hasn't opened yet. Weekly they show movies - last week was Harry Potter and Mr. Bean and Blood Brothers. Outside the campus there are three streets full of restaurants, internet cafes, KTV (karaoke), photo shops, stationary kiosks, eyewear stores and sports clothing stores. In the evening the fruit sellers come out with their grapes, pears and apples.
Weather here is gorgeous - mid 40s in the morning and the evening and bright sunshine 70s in the day. It takes less than 10 minutes to get to class and the streets are filled with students and not cars or bikes - not many horns blowing, brakes squeaking - very quiet.
We also have office hours in the Volunteer's Office - which is also an English library that students can check out books, magazines, DVDs. I just had my first office hours last night. Basically its students coming in and practicing their asking questions - how old are you? What do you think of Chinese food? Have you watched Prison Break (that show is HUGE here)? Many students are getting comfortable with me so they're asking more questions. We were given many food lists in hanzi, pinyin and english. I have them go through them and check off the ones that they recommend. They also give me walking tours of the town and campus - best restaurants, copy places, etc.
Life here is good. It's still new and I'm still trying to find my groove. I lesson plan most of the time, sometimes to the determent of my sleep or leisure time, but that's understandable.
I was flirting with loneliness but it hightailed out of my sight when I received care packages from some righteous people back in the States. Thank you, ad nauseum. It sustains my energy, my resolve, my contentment quota.
More later. Time to plan.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Swearing In Ceremony
Well it's official; I'm a Peace Corps Volunteer. The US Ambassador to China, Clark T Randt, Jr. swore us in. We had a few more speakers and then each site did a small presentation - slide show, skit, etc. Our site did our favorite "Tian Mi Mi" - we added a couple of fan dancers and two solos - my friend Kehl and I. It was a lot of fun. The audience loved the song and clapped along. We had a buffet of Italian, American, Chinese and Japanese (sushi!!) foods.
Now we are relaxing and preparing for the 22 hour train ride tomorrow to Lanzhou. PC gave each of us two huge rice bags full of medical equipment, hepa filters, and water purifiers. Along with all the books I borrowed from PC head office library, the bedding I bought at IKEA (I realize - surreal) and all my other crap, I will be pleased if I am able to be supine on the ride at all. I start teaching on Monday. Woo hoo!! I cannot wait.
I actually felt it - becoming a volunteer. A shiver, small breeze. It was pretty powerful. Though you realize all that you've gone through and realize that it has only been two months and I still haven't started working as a volunteer officially. Two more years. It is so exhilarating and exhausting and overwhelming. I have done so much, yet this is just the beginning.
Stay tuned, loved ones.
Now we are relaxing and preparing for the 22 hour train ride tomorrow to Lanzhou. PC gave each of us two huge rice bags full of medical equipment, hepa filters, and water purifiers. Along with all the books I borrowed from PC head office library, the bedding I bought at IKEA (I realize - surreal) and all my other crap, I will be pleased if I am able to be supine on the ride at all. I start teaching on Monday. Woo hoo!! I cannot wait.
I actually felt it - becoming a volunteer. A shiver, small breeze. It was pretty powerful. Though you realize all that you've gone through and realize that it has only been two months and I still haven't started working as a volunteer officially. Two more years. It is so exhilarating and exhausting and overwhelming. I have done so much, yet this is just the beginning.
Stay tuned, loved ones.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Host Family Appreciation
Last night was Host Family Appreciation night. We met at a large banquet hall. All 20 of us with our parents and siblings gathered for an amazing meal. The banquets are usually bountiful with at least 15 different dishes to try, but last night we had at least 30 - some of our favorites and some of them came out of left field and left a big smooch on my heart they were so good. Most of the PC ladies wore our Qi Pao that we had made (traditional Chinese dress). I had a dress and a blouse made. The dress is for next week's swear-in. We looked hot.
All 20 of us sang a popular Chinese ballad from the 90s "Tian Mi Mi" - My Sweet Honey. It's a beautiful song. Can't get it out of my head. The banquet was a success. Afterwards we retired to our favorite garden of beer - this has been our place to get together, eat shao kao, drink Snow beer, celebrate birthdays and just enjoy our little neighborhood of Shiling Town. The other PC sites in Chengdu are located downtown so they get together a lot in western restaurants and bars; not us. I am so thankful for that.
As we were drinking and eating, a party of men stopped by, offered us beer, cigarettes and told us it was their friend's birthday. About eight of us made a beeline to his table and sang Happy Birthday in English then Chinese to him. Then we brought down the house when we sang "Tian Mi Mi" again. The crowd adored it. We ganbei-ed to his day of birth, to our beer gardens, to each other, to the stray dogs and cats, to the old ladies polishing our shoes as we imbibe.
Tonight my friend Amy and I took our families out for Huo Guo (hotpot). It was lovely to hang out with them and treat them to such a delicious and spicy meal.
Now at home, my family just gave me two bags of Sichuan specialty foods, a necklace, earrings and their wishes to maintain our connection. I plan on seeing them whenever I'm in Chengdu, which should be at least twice a year.
Tuesday we leave for the hotel. It has been exhausting, frustrating, exhilarating, comforting and overall an extremely incredible experience living with our families.
Saturday we leave for our apartments. I am so stoked to get to Lanzhou and start teaching and enjoy the solitude of my large apartment, but I will definitely miss my family here.
-- Be good, Katie
All 20 of us sang a popular Chinese ballad from the 90s "Tian Mi Mi" - My Sweet Honey. It's a beautiful song. Can't get it out of my head. The banquet was a success. Afterwards we retired to our favorite garden of beer - this has been our place to get together, eat shao kao, drink Snow beer, celebrate birthdays and just enjoy our little neighborhood of Shiling Town. The other PC sites in Chengdu are located downtown so they get together a lot in western restaurants and bars; not us. I am so thankful for that.
As we were drinking and eating, a party of men stopped by, offered us beer, cigarettes and told us it was their friend's birthday. About eight of us made a beeline to his table and sang Happy Birthday in English then Chinese to him. Then we brought down the house when we sang "Tian Mi Mi" again. The crowd adored it. We ganbei-ed to his day of birth, to our beer gardens, to each other, to the stray dogs and cats, to the old ladies polishing our shoes as we imbibe.
Tonight my friend Amy and I took our families out for Huo Guo (hotpot). It was lovely to hang out with them and treat them to such a delicious and spicy meal.
Now at home, my family just gave me two bags of Sichuan specialty foods, a necklace, earrings and their wishes to maintain our connection. I plan on seeing them whenever I'm in Chengdu, which should be at least twice a year.
Tuesday we leave for the hotel. It has been exhausting, frustrating, exhilarating, comforting and overall an extremely incredible experience living with our families.
Saturday we leave for our apartments. I am so stoked to get to Lanzhou and start teaching and enjoy the solitude of my large apartment, but I will definitely miss my family here.
-- Be good, Katie
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